How To Handle Children’s Tantrum
The Challenges Of Raising Children
Raising children can be quite the battle, especially children between the age of 1 year old to 8 year old. Well, raising teenagers can be just as challenging as well but in a different way and some of these challenges can prevented if we manage the situation correctly right from the early stages.
By early stages, i meant when the children are still in their childhood stage. But the most critical time is the first 8 years because these are the times when children will absorb and understand information from around them, everything gestures, actions and words you did will be absorb by them and it will shape their behaviour then and beyond.
And of course, during these years children will demand and throw tantrum which also shape their behaviour and this depends on how you manage it. I noticed with some parents nowadays are taking the easy way out when when their child starts to throw tantrums; by giving them gadgets or things to stop the child from keep throw tantrum. Yes, it may seems like a good thing, a good move to do now but there will be consequences to it.
On surface and you, yourself as parents will say that you doing it because of love and you do not like seeing your child bawl for a long time. But there will be consequences as i have mentioned earlier; it will be embedded in your child’s mind that he or she has the permission and allowance to throw tantrum whenever unable to get the thing he or she wants. This will only worsen as their grow, your child will become rebellious, not only that, he or she will feel that you will or have to give in to his or her wants in the end because that’s how you’ve been handling your child’s tantrum since he or she was a baby. So that is why it is not wise to give gadgets or the sorts to your child whenever he or she throws a tantrum, you are teaching your child that he or she can whatever they want by being rebellious. Worst case, they won’t even listen to your counsel and advises.
It is not that i’m suggesting parents not to pamper and shower their children with love, being strict all the way through. But there are other ways you can show your affections besides give them things. For example, if your child starts throwing tantrum try talking to him or first by asking what is wrong and what do he or she want, try to console and calm your child down first. If it happens at a public place, go to somewhere more private and wait for your child to calm and try talking to him or her again then. This will teach your child patience, how calm himself or herself down and learn how to control their emotion, yes, they will cry and it might last for almost an hour but it is part of the learning process.
It Is Actually Related With Psychology
In 1890, a Russian psychologist, Ivan Pavlov conducted a research on salivation in dogs. From this research he discovered that the dogs salivate not really because they are being fed, but it is more of a reflex that is ‘hard-wired’. So what happened was Pavlov initially predicted that the dogs salivated because foods were placed in front of them, but he noticed they actually started salivating when they hear his assistant footsteps, the person responsible for feeding the dogs. Pavlov continued further with his research and discovered any objects that associates itself with foods the dogs will begin to salivate.
In the next stage of his research, he at first placed foods in front of the dogs and they started salivating and then he removed foods presence. He proceeded with ringing a bell and the dogs showed no response to the sound of the bell ringing.
In this next phase, he first rang the bell and brought out the foods a few second after, the dogs started to salivate. He ran this trial a few time and the end result was that whenever he rang a bell the dogs will start salivate even though there were no foods.
Same like when your child wants something, he or she sees you and will start throw tantrums because previously when he or she threw tantrums you give things to your child in order to stop from keep throwing tantrum. So it is hard-wired in your child that when they throw tantrum they can get what they want.
A Good Way To Manage Your Child’s Tantrum?
Instead of giving your child stuffs in order to stop them from throwing tantrums, try to talk and calm your child down. If happens in public, go somewhere more private so that you won’t disturb others. One of the main reason parents today give gadgets and other stuffs to their child whenever they throw tantrum is because it often happened in a public place and to avoid embarrassment parents give gadget or other things to their so that they stop throwing tantrum.
But what most parents should do is take their child somewhere else and try calming down their, if it doesn’t work, let the child cry for a bit. Once your child have stopped crying and calmed down talk again with your child, slowly, ask why did he or she cried and if it because of something they couldn’t get then tell the reason why you can’t give what he or she wants.
This way your child won’t be hard-wired with “i will throw tantrum when i’m with parents so i can get what i want”. Instead by letting your child to stop crying on their own they will learn to control and manage themselves, and it will be hard-wired in their mind that they won’t and can’t whatever that is they want throwing tantrum, they need behave and control themselves first only then they can get it. This also will help in honing your child communication skill, they will to communicate properly with you, their parents. Instead of crying and shouting they will know how to ask properly and wait patiently.
What You Do Now Will Shape Them
Be it good or bad, whatever it is that you do will shape them into what kind of individual they will be later in the future and may help prevent few challenges and troubles when they hit their teenage years. Like it has been mentioned earlier, i’m suggesting parents to not provide and show affections towards their children, you can do so but with limits because too much affection can have negative impact. This is just like every other things in our lives and in this world, everything we do should be in moderation, too much of it will give rise to issues.